My Patronus is a Zebra

I originally shared the following story with my friends on Facebook back on August 20, 2016. Since I’m taking you along on this journey, I thought it would be a good place to start.

In the summer of 2012, my husband, Erik, and I moved our family from Seattle to New Mexico. As we settled in, we decided to visit Pier 1 Imports to find a few things to decorate our new home. One thing that I really wanted was something to put in each of the niches in our house, and for some reason, I was drawn to a wooden zebra; I think they only had one of them in the store, and I just had to have it. When I showed Erik, he gave me a strange look and asked why I wanted the zebra; I told him that I didn’t know; I just liked it, and we took it home.

When we got home, I placed my new purchase in the niche right outside of our bedroom on the 2nd floor. When the kids saw it, they immediately told me how creepy they thought he was. From time to time over the next few years, both the boys and Erik told me that they still found the zebra creepy, and I told them that he wasn’t going anywhere.

At Christmastime, I bought a tiny Santa hat from Build A Bear Workshop and placed it on his head, surrounding him with lights and tinsel; I repeated this each year. Eventually, I even bought him a girlfriend to keep him company during the holidays. Each night as I went to bed, I would flip on the light over the zebra; sometimes he was the only thing lit up in the hall.

On November 04, 2015 I had an MRI; they found out that I had a brain tumor and I was officially diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease, a rare condition that had gone undiagnosed for 17 years and caused me extreme health issues. As I researched the disease, I found out that the symbol, or mascot, for Cushing’s is a zebra. This is because in medical school, when they talk about Cushing’s they tell med students that they’ll probably never see a Cushing’s case, so when they see symptoms that look like Cushing’s, they should consider other more common diagnoses instead. The saying is, “When you hear hooves, think of a horse, not a zebra.”

The only cure for Cushing’s Disease is brain surgery to remove the tumor, which I underwent in Seattle on February 02, 2016. After I returned home, I contacted my surgeon’s office and asked them to email my medical records to my doctor here in New Mexico and carbon copy me on them. That night, I sat in my home office reading the surgical report, and found out for the first time that, not only was my tumor the cause of the disease (which I already knew), but that it had undergone a rare condition called Crooke’s Hyaline Change, which makes the tumor extremely aggressive and is basically a death sentence. At the time of my surgery, my tumor had morphed 15-20% into this aggressive tumor and, if left untreated, I probably would not be here right now to write this.

After reading this, I was in tears and very upset and I walked down the hall. As I approached my bedroom, I stopped in front of the zebra and this feeling of comfort came over me. I can’t explain it, but I had a strong feeling that God was telling me, “See? I’ve had you this whole time. Everything is going to be okay.” At that moment, I knew why I’d purchased the zebra back in 2012 when we first moved here.

Since my surgery, I’ve felt like I was handed a new lease on life; recovery’s hard, but I’m so very grateful and amazed at God’s goodness and his love for me. For my first post-surgery birthday, I celebrated that in the best way that I knew how: by getting my first tattoo of, (what else?), a zebra! ❤

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