September 21st

Today is September 21, 2017. This date is significant in my life due to three major events:

A proposal.
A glimpse of the future.
A breakthrough.

In short, September 21st is a wonderful day. Let me tell you what each of the above things refer to, and explain what makes each of them an event to remember:

A Proposal: The Day That Erik Asked Me To Marry Him

Call me clueless, but I didn’t see it coming. September 21, 1993 was like most Tuesdays for me. I was 23 years old, and worked my 8-5 job at Seattle City Council as usual. Returning home to the apartment that Erik and I shared on the 18th floor of a building in downtown Seattle called Arbor Place, I donned my usual post-work outfit of a flannel shirt and ripped jeans.

Erik got home shortly afterward. He seemed a bit anxious and in the mood to talk. He took me out on our balcony, went back inside and poured two glasses of champagne, and returned, taking the seat opposite me. It was a typical Seattle day, overcast and chilly, and the wind started to blow a bit. I told him that I was cold and that I was going to grab a coat and come back out.

He stopped me, and asked me to sit down. I finally did, placing my champagne flute on the edge of the balcony. He told me that I shouldn’t place it there, as it might fall. I laughed and told him that it wasn’t going to fall; I’d placed glasses there before without incident.

At this, Erik suddenly became serious; he got down on one knee and said, “Alayna Marie Edwards, will you marry me?” Thinking he was being silly and knowing that we planned to get married eventually, I said, “Of course I will, now can I get my jacket? It’s cold out here!” He stopped me again, and said, “Look in your glass!” I retrieved the champagne flute from its perch on the edge of the balcony and, sure enough, an engagement ring sat on the bottom of it, bathed in the bubbly liquid. And this, my friends, is how Erik asked me to marry him.

A Glimpse of the Future: Davyd’s First Appearance

Exactly one year later, Erik and I were approaching four months of wedded bliss. We were married in a beautiful ceremony on Seattle’s Shilshole Bay on May 29, 1994, and I became pregnant a few weeks later. On September 21, 1994, we were scheduled for our first ultrasound; our first chance to glimpse the tiny person growing in my ever expanding belly.

My pre-ultrasound instructions directed me to keep a full bladder prior to the procedure. I remember feeling like I would explode and choreographing an elaborate ‘I have to pee’ dance sequence in the waiting room. Erik and I were finally ushered into the examination room, the gel was applied to my belly, and, gradually, a tiny little form came into view on the screen to my right.

The technician showed us the tiny beating heart of our little one, and I immediately forgot about my full bladder. That fuzzy white image superimposed on a black background was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen in my life. The funniest part was when we saw the little legs running furiously in place; we instantly knew that we had an energetic little one on the way.

A Breakthrough: The Day That I Severed Ties With My Parents

One year after that ultrasound, and two years after the proposal, I made a decision that would change my life once and for all. It was a Thursday afternoon on September 21, 1995; I’d spent the day taking care of our five month old son while Erik worked at the post office. When Erik got off work, we were supposed to pick up some photos from a business associate of my father’s and meet my parents at their house in south Seattle.

Erik picked Davyd and I up and we drove to the photo studio of my father’s friend, A.K., to pick up the pictures. When we got there and greeted A.K., I told him why we were there. He glanced at my son and asked me if I was sure that my father wanted me to pick up the photos. I said yes, and he told me that he wanted to phone my father to make sure that it was okay to give them to me. I thought this was strange; A.K. knew me well and knew that I frequently worked with my father at his studio.

A.K. returned from his phone call holding a manila envelope. He licked the seal slightly, tapped it shut loosely, and handed the envelope to me with both hands, looking at me hard and stating, “Your father said not to show these to you.” His tone and expression made it clear that he thought I needed to know what was inside of the envelope.

A bit of backstory for you here: My father had previously asked Erik and I to help him with his business. I had done quite a bit of marketing work for him through the years, and he wanted us to put together a new portfolio for him and help to promote him. As a condition of that, he agreed that the work that he would produce from then on would be family friendly – he had a history of producing pornography on the backend of a business that was respectable on the face of it. He specifically told us that there would be no secrets and that he was turning over a new leaf, so to speak.

The other thing that you have to understand here (and that I’ll explain in detail in later posts) is that I grew up in a very abusive atmosphere riddled with lies and disrespect. So, what’s coming next is literally the last straw in a long line of very ugly straws.

We returned to the car with the envelope that A.K. had turned over to me. I looked at Erik and asked him if he thought that we should see what was inside of it. He stated that, since my father had stated that there would be no secrets, and since our son was going to be around the studio, we should definitely look inside.

I opened the envelope, and immediately saw very graphic photos of close family friends in compromising positions. In particular, one family friend who worked at the studio as a makeup artist was depicted in photos with another woman doing things that are definitely not suitable for exposure to the masses. Another family friend who had attended our wedding with his fiancé was pictured in graphic, explicit photos performing sex acts with someone who wasn’t his fiancé.

I knew for a fact that neither the makeup artist’s husband or the latter person’s fiancé knew that they were doing this behind their backs. In fact, the makeup artist’s husband had complained about the excessive amount of time that she spent at the studio away from him and their young child; I now knew why. As for the guy with the fiancé, my father would later state that he saw nothing wrong with him having sex with someone else while my father photographed it, because his fiancé was out of the country at the time.

After viewing the contents of the envelope (I was disgusted so couldn’t finish looking at them), Erik and I agreed that, once we got to my parents’ house, he would tell my father that he wanted to see what was inside of the envelope, since everything was supposed to be out in the open according to our agreement. If my father refused to show us the contents, we would leave.

When we got to the house, I was in the living room with Davyd and my mother. My father was in the dining room with a friend of his. He asked us for the envelope, and Erik said he had it, but we wanted to see what was inside. My father laughed and took the envelope, stating that he wasn’t going to show us. Erik asked him why, and my father didn’t have an answer; he and his friend just sat there smirking.

Watching all of this, I was stunned. Erik said, “Okay, Alayna, let’s go”, and I picked up my son and followed him outside. My father ran behind us, yelling that he couldn’t believe that we were leaving and asking Erik what his problem was. Erik stated that we had agreed that there would be no secrets and that he, I, and our son, would no longer be a part of this.

When we got home, I spoke with my father on the phone briefly. He was unapologetic and defiant, stating that Erik and I had a problem and that we didn’t have any right to question his decisions. I told him that he’d gone back on his word and that we would not be involved in, or subject our son to, the things that he chose to do.

I then spoke with my mother. She stated that, after we left, she demanded to see the photos. She said that, when she saw the photo of the family friend having sex with someone who wasn’t his fiancé, she said to my father, “I thought D was with with C?” My father replied, “Well, C was in Japan at the time”. She then told me that my father, “lets me do my witness thing, so I let him do his thing.” Yes, I didn’t mention it earlier, but my mother is a Jehovah’s Witness who does the bookkeeping for my father, who is a pornographer.

I responded by telling my mother that she and my father could do anything that they wanted, but I didn’t have to be a part of it. I told her that I didn’t want my son to be around them and that I’d finally realized that, if they didn’t treat me right during my life, I couldn’t expect that they’d treat my son any better. I finished by telling her that I would mail their house key to them the following day.

I don’t know if I fully realized it at the time, but that was one of the best decisions that I ever made. It was truly a turning point, and allowed me to break free from a lot of the baggage and issues that I carried with me.

So, there you have it – September 21st. A proposal, a glimpse of the future, and a breakthrough. A wonderful day, indeed.