Spirituality vs Religion: My Journey

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

The distinction between being religious and being spiritual is one that has become clearer in recent times. The exposure of various scandals within religious organizations, including the sexual abuse issues prevalent in the Catholic church and other denominations, has caused a crisis of conscience among those who consider themselves to be persons of faith, but are increasingly disillusioned with organized religion.

I grew up as a member of Jehovah’s Witnesses, a religion that emphasizes exclusivity and claims a proprietary relationship with God. As a member of the organization, you strive to be “no part of this world” and anyone outside the Jehovah’s Witness sphere is deemed “worldly” and unworthy of association. The scripture 1 Corinthians 15:33, which states that, “Bad associates spoil useful habits” was drilled into my consciousness constantly during my formative years. In effect, the religion superseded individual spirituality, since without the former you couldn’t have the latter.

Something happened during my youth that caused me to begin questioning everything. Let me rephrase that: Many things happened during my youth to make me question everything, but one moment in time is seared into my memory that made a huge difference in my perspective. Starting at 6 years old, one of my uncles began molesting me. During this time, we, as a Jehovah’s Witness family, attended meetings at the Kingdom Hall (a/k/a church), three times a week.

One Sunday, the Kingdom Hall was particularly full, and I sat, along with my uncles, in an overflow room toward the back of the building, while my mother and siblings sat in the main area of the hall. The sermon that day was about adultery, and I sat there, with tears in my eyes, thinking that God hated me because (by my 6 year old logic) I was committing adultery. The offending uncle sat next to me with paragraphs highlighted in his Watchtower magazine, playing the part of the dutiful congregant.

I left that meeting feeling incredibly insignificant, and questioning whether God really existed, and, if He did, whether he cared about someone so tiny and worthless as myself. From that point forward, I created a little test, looking for evidence of both.

Growing up in an abusive household, my father was a strict proponent of excessive corporal punishment. He used various methods, from military exercises (such as one, called the ‘dying cockroach’), to beatings with a belt (and buckle), and an invention that he came up with called the ‘Wicked Stick’ (a 2×4 with the words ‘Wicked Stick’ written on it in red that was only used on me).

After the aforementioned Kingdom Hall incident, I started interrupting beatings by saying that I needed to use the bathroom. My father would stop, allow me to go to the bathroom, then resume the beating when I came out. As I sat on the toilet counting my welts, I would close my eyes and pray to God that, if He really was there, He would allow me to be hit a certain number of times when I got out of the bathroom. I’d change the number each time; sometimes it would be three, two, five, four, etc. Each time, I would be hit the exact number of times that I’d asked for. As weird as this sounds, this is what initially solidified my faith that God, although unseen, was there.

Throughout my life, God revealed Himself in so many instances, yet I was constantly being told by my family and the Witnesses that, since I had not been baptized as a Jehovah’s Witness, I did not have a relationship with God. At the same time, I saw instances of abuse swept under the rug by the organization, and the hypocrisy on display opened my eyes to the difference between spirituality and religion.

I finally cut all ties with the Jehovah’s Witness organization shortly after I severed my ties to my biological family. One day, I sat down with my husband and examined all of the things that I’d been taught by that religion and whether they aligned with my personal belief system. Although I’d married a “worldly” person, I still held onto things that I’d been raised with. Upon examination, I found that, although my belief system did not mesh with what I’d been taught, my spirituality and relationship with God (as a non-denominational Christian) remained intact.

Since that time, I’ve seen God’s hand in many areas of my life. In a twist from my early childhood test, He revealed Himself in the zebra incident that led to my Cushing’s Disease diagnosis shortly before the disease would’ve killed me. Last year, when I almost died following what should have been a routine surgery, He saved me yet again. I feel His presence each and every day, and I am so thankful to have been blessed with eyes that can see His influence clearly and without distraction.

Don’t get me wrong: Although organized religion isn’t my path, I’m not negating its worth for others. Whether your path is through Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shinto, Islam, Judaism, or any of the various sub-sects, I’m not here to judge your personal journey. However, all too often, I’ve seen others have their faith and spirituality dismissed when they don’t follow the path that others think they should take.

God is not the small-minded, vindictive entity that many would have you believe. He is not going to dismiss you because you don’t worship with a certain group, and He alone knows what’s truly in your heart. His people aren’t identified by what building (if any) they use for worship. There are certain principles that He makes clear; these are shared principles among all of the major religions and are pretty much common sense ways to live a good life.

No matter what path you’ve chosen, never let anyone’s judgment or criticism allow you to question your worth in the eyes of God. Spirituality is a highly personal thing, and something that can’t be regulated by anyone, whether they are related by blood or standing at a pulpit.

As someone who’s had my relationship with God questioned by many unqualified to do so, I can tell you that the evidence in my life has shown me that my faith is well founded. If God loves me, as He’s so clearly shown, I can say unequivocally, that He loves you also. You just need to open your mind and heart and receive it unconditionally.

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